Thanks, Aunt Connie, for showing us once-a-year wannabes how it's done.
Here's the proper grooming tips and etiquette for once-a-year-Memorial attendees:
1. Just before attending, eat a large meal that features beans and garlic.
2. Smoke a few cigarettes or a cigar (or better yet, pot, if you've got it). If you don't smoke, light a few. let them smolder, and bathe yourself and your clothing in the alluring scent.
3. Women should wear blue jeans (cutoffs if it's warm enough), tank tops, flip-flops, and anything that shows off a tat if you have any. Prominently display any ear and body piercings. No bras allowed.
4. Men should wear whatever they wear when they change the oil in their cars. No laundering allowed. Sneakers and/or flip-flops. The above tip regarding tats and piercings also apply to you.
5. Bring your Kindle, I-Pod/Pad, smart phone, or laptop with earphones to block out the dreary Memorial talk.
6. Spill the wine and drop the bread when it's passed to you. Oops!
7. If you get love-bombed after the meeting, be sure to give everyone a great big hug.
Did I miss anything?
Oh, almost forgot. Unless you're driving, be sure to take a big slug of your favorite alcoholic beverage before you leave. Maybe even bring a little flask to sip from at the KH. Remember, apostatize responsibly!